Except lately I've been having difficulties with completing posts. My beginnings rarely have any relevance to my main text anyway so they're always quite easy to get through, but once I've got past that point everything becomes much harder to put into words. I have urges to copy and paste life affirming lyrics into this white void, mostly because I want to put them as my Facebook status, but I can't help but feel I do that too much and it's probably a bit irritating.
And I think I know what the problem is.
It isn't my sudden inability to write coherently (I didn't say I was good, I just meant I can string a sentence together without sounding like a complete fool), nor is it for lack of things to talk about really. There's always something to talk about. Even when nothing extraordinary happens, there's always be something. In fact, those things are probably my favourites. The problem, in fact, is quite simply that I'm happy.
You might be thinking that surely being happy isn't a problem at all. Quite the opposite in fact. But the issue is, I don't know how to write happy without sounding like the kind of always-positive-super-optimistic-free-spirit kind of person that I genuinely can't stand. I like a bit of cynicism. A lot of cynicism, in fact. And in most cases my cynicism proves to be right. Cynicism is far funnier than optimism for one thing. I would, in fact, argue that my breed of cynicism is paradoxically simultaneously rather optimistic. Always looking for a laugh.
I digress.
The crux of the matter is that I'm not just happy because there is an increase in people that make me happy. There is, and it helps, but I don't believe they'd like me if I was in the same state of mind I was 4 months ago. I'm much more happy because I stopped whining and being angsty about all the crap I couldn't really do much about other than whine and be angsty about and I started living. I'm happy (and honestly I can't believe I'm even contemplating saying this) because I chose to be happy. Positivity isn't magic, but it works. You just have to let your cold, cynical heart give it a chance to.
