fear and loathing

Before I went to university I hated one person. Just the one. Admittedly a disliked a whole host of other people, but I only ever hated one. I felt that was important. Hate's just as monumental as love; and I certainly don't throw that word around lightly either.

If I could stop hating that one person I would. Hate is ugly and vicious and consumes you. But they make it impossible to be just indifferent about. They are beyond forgiveness. But I think it's important to state that I wish I could devote all my energies to loving and to seeing the good in every person that crosses paths with me.

And so it pains me (and oh my does it pain me) to tell you that since coming to university I've discovered I hate two people. Two. That's double! Good going there Sara.

And I don't want to. I want to just not care and not be angered by a lack of respect and a lack of substance and standards. But I can't. In a way I'm glad it annoys me so much, because I don't want to be the type of person that just accepts that some people are a bit shit and that we shouldn't expect more from humanity.

I don't know where I'm going with this. There's not big philosophical point I'm trying to make and I don't think this is even going to be particularly cathartic. But it just makes me sad and it makes me feel like a horrible person, that I have the capacity to hate not just one, but two people.