extremes

Hello. I'm at university.

It's fucking weird.

Before you leave, everybody will tell you that university is a huge transition and lots of things are going to change for you but ultimately it's going to be the best three years of your life.

I have some issues with that.

Firstly, these will not be the best three years of my life. They just won't. I plan on making the rest of my life all kinds of awesome and these will not be the only years I look back on with joy. Things don't just stop after you've done the uni thing. Life goes on.

Secondly (and possibly lastly, I haven't really thought this through), though everybody acknowledges the change that you have to go through, nobody cares to mention that every single day here is an extreme. I am yet to have a day of just average. Average emotions and average activities. Everything happens at once. "Quick! We're taking away everything you've ever cared about! Make all these new friends! Live away from home! Look after yourself! Do a fucking DEGREE!" Separately you might be able to cope with these things, but when you're forced to deal with all of them all at once, it tends to be a wee bit soul destroying. I imagine living here is the closest I will ever come (touch wood) to being bipolar.

Example.

"Woo I'm meeting intellectual people that like things I like and we stay up till 3 in the morning just laughing and being ourselves and I finally understand what uni is all about. Gosh I'm lucky to be ALIVE!"

To...

"I miss my friends. Nobody here knows me at all. I don't want to hug a stranger. I'm ridiculously bad at meeting new people. I can't cook and my kitchen scares me."

It's exhausting.

I had to run to my kitchen to get breakfast this morning. Out of context that makes no sense. Sorry.

My room is very unhomey. This makes me sad.